this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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