So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
