I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize