O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
