Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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