Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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