I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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