She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
