I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize