and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
