Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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