im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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