I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
