I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
