White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
