I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize