I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
