I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize