Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
