does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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