He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
