i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
