KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
