it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Houston, we have a squirter
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
