I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
