Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
