whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
