I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
