It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
