you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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