please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
