i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
