When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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