Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
