I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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