What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
