I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
