She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
