I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
