There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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