HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
