This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
