I am in a vortex of obligation.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
