Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
