Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
wanna go halves on a baby?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
