This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
