And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
