It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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