i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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