i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
