Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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