oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
