I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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