my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
