ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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