i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
