just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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