when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just gargled with NyQuil
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
