If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
