Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
