Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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