so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize