she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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