standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
