I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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