I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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