I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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