Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
