omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My feet surprised me
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
