The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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