I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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