Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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