Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
