sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
