normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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