omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Randomize
