I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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