Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
