I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
