I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
