Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
