I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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