Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
