No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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