Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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