It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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