This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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