Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
