So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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