If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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