I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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