i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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