do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
