two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize