So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
