Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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