I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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