I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize