Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
