Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
false alarm. still invincible.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
