Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
