Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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