But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
