Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
